Most of us want to connect with the veterans in our lives, but we aren’t sure what to say. So we default to the questions we’ve seen in movies, and those are often the ones veterans find hardest to answer.

The good news is that better questions are easy to find. They’re open-ended, they let the veteran decide how much to share, and they treat service as one part of a whole life instead of a single dramatic story.

With Veterans Day on Wednesday, Nov. 11, here are ten questions that open real conversations.

The Questions

1. What made you decide to serve? Every veteran has a starting point, whether it was family tradition, a sense of duty, a career path, or a chance to see the world. It’s an easy opener that invites a personal story.
2. What was your job, and what did a typical day look like? Military roles range from mechanics and medics to cooks, analysts, and pilots. Asking about the everyday work shows real interest and often surprises people who assume every role looked the same.
3. What’s something you learned in the service that you still use today? Many veterans carry habits and skills from their service, like leadership, preparation, or keeping calm under pressure. This question highlights their strengths and moves the conversation toward who they are now.
4. What’s a favorite memory or funny story from your time in uniform? Military life included humor, friendship, and good days. Asking for the lighter side lets the veteran share on their own terms.
5. Who were the people who mattered most to you during your service? The bonds formed in service are often the heart of the experience. Veterans frequently light up when talking about the people they served beside.
6. What was the transition back to civilian life like? Coming home brings its own challenges and surprises, from finding a new career to rebuilding routines. This question shows you care about the whole journey, not just the years in uniform.
7. What do you wish civilians understood about military life? This gives the veteran a chance to share what matters most to them, and it helps the rest of us learn without guessing.
8. Is there anything you miss about your time in the service? Many veterans miss the sense of purpose, structure, or community. It’s an honest question that treats their experience with respect.
9. How do you stay involved or give back now? Many veterans keep serving as volunteers, mentors, coaches, poll workers, and community leaders. This question honors that ongoing commitment, which is the heart of our “Beyond the Uniform” theme this month.
10. Is there anything you’d like people to know or ask about your service? Ending with an open invitation puts the veteran in control. They can share more, point you to a different topic, or simply appreciate that you asked.

A Few Tips for Listening Well

• Let them lead. If a veteran gives a short answer or changes the subject, follow their lead without pushing.
• Skip the questions about combat or loss. If a veteran wants to talk about those experiences, they will bring them up.
• Don’t assume. Every veteran’s service was different, and so is every veteran’s story.
• Listen more than you talk. The best follow-up is often simply, “Tell me more.”

This Veterans Day, take a few minutes to ask a veteran in your life one of these questions. A thoughtful conversation can mean as much as any thank-you.